


Fifth Time Unlucky

by bornforwar_archivist



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-12-31
Updated: 2006-12-31
Packaged: 2018-10-02 10:46:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10216298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bornforwar_archivist/pseuds/bornforwar_archivist
Summary: by Lorna E





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Delenn, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Born For War](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Born_For_War), which closed in 2015. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in March 2016. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Born For War collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bornforwar).
> 
> \--
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own them 
> 
> Author's Notes: Thank you for reading my first fanfic; please e-mail me to tell me what you think of it. It would really help me out. So please tell me what you thought!

She strolled through the tombstones twizzling her stake between her fingers like the marching bands do, when she heard a rustle of leaves behind her. She spun on her heel to meet her opponent only to discover, there was no one there. A look of puzzlement spread across her face as she searched around her. As she did she was pushed to the ground from someone who had leaped form the tree above her and had somehow managed to take the stake out of her hand, land to straddle her and have the stake pointing down towards her heart. When had she chased the grey clouds away from her hard fall she came to see that it was Spike. Who was too close for comfort.  
  
“Spike?! What the hell…" She was stopped when she realised that he was holding her arms down above her head with one hand so that she couldn’t move. Then her face turned to a menacing look. “Get. Off. Me!"  
  
He mocked her look and held his grip tighter. Pressing the stake harder into her chest. “How’s it feel to have the fight turned around for a change?"  
  
“Well I don’t know, because you can’t hurt me." And gave a cute, innocent but sarcastic smile.  
  
“True. But if I don’t intend to, but accidentally do, it wont activate" Then he too gave an innocent but sarcastic smile.   
  
Her face dropped considering the truth of his words then she turned more serious. “Okay Spike cut the crap and let me go." She tried to struggle free again.  
  
He went on as if he hadn’t heard her but he did let go of her wrists, but only to start twizzling the stake like she had done. Instead he knelt hard on her hands at her sides preventing them from moving. “I noticed your pretty good with your hands" He followed the stake with his eyes as he flipped and turned it smoothly then shot them to glance at her with a quizzical look.  
  
“Eww! Gross Spike." She tried to shake away the visions that came rushing into her head at that moment but failed. “Just let me go." And she gave another attempt to free herself but he was sat on her pelvis hard, and it hurt too much to move because of the pressure he was applying.  
  
“Why? We’re having so much fun." Then he pointed the stake at her heart again. “What I mean with you being helpless and everything." He ran the stake down from her heart and stopped to slide it under her top and start to ride it upwards. Having to hold her down more for her violent attempt to get away. He stopped just before he rode it up over her chest and raised one eyebrow at her. “Dare I?"  
  
“No! No way Spike! How many times do I have to tell you that I will never do anything with you… and that applies the same for you with me? And watch it with the stake you’ll mark my skin."  
  
“Christ Slayer you sure know how to turn a guy on with those remarks" He looked at her tanned skin, which was now covered in goose bumps for the icy breeze. His eyes lingered longer than he thought they had then he snapped himself out of his lust for her and masked it with a joke. “ I mean no wonder all the vamps follow you around."  
  
“What you mean including you?" She continued to struggle again. “And what is it with you vamps anyway do you always think with your penises? Coz if you do that would make interesting research."  
  
“Well I don’t know ‘bout them but I know I do. Only when I’m with you though."  
  
“Sorry I asked."  
  
“Aww c’mon Slayer blow my mind" And with that he pressed harder on her pelvis.  
  
Realising the sick joke she pulled an eww face and said “Ow! Cut it out that does hurt you know"  
  
He chuckled. “I know"  
  
“Spike. Let me go, your getting mud all over my back and your hurting me… which gives me all the more reason to hit you when I get free. Hard!"  
  
“Ahh. But what if you don’t get free?"  
  
“Just let me go! Now!"  
  
He considered her question for a moment. “No." He said quite simply.  
  
“Why not?"  
  
“Because………….." he thought for a moment. “………. I need some fun. I get lonely in my crypt. I mean where’s the fun in sitting around when there’s nothing on the box?"  
  
“Okay" she said sarcastically. “What about taking up midnight jogging?"  
  
“Oh so you like midnight athletics?" He leaned in closer an inch away from her face.  
  
She hesitated at her words because of what she thought might happen next. “Spike. You have to stop all this, okay? You can’t just jump me like this and expect me to fall for your stupid comments. Which may I say are so lame. At least come up with somethin’ new or actually funny." She grinned when she saw a look spread across his face, which told her he was pissed off.  
  
And with that he got off her and scooped her light body over his shoulder and trotted off with her.  
  
Her face was filled with frustration as he did so. “ Spike!" she shrieked as she grabbed hold of his shoulders to steady herself. “ You can’t be serious. I am so not going anywhere with you." And she tried to twist her legs round to get free but it ended up with him having a better grip on her and she was positioned so that her head was at his shoulder and her legs were bent into his chest to lean on his other arm. Just then she came up with an idea and she yanked his neatly gelled hair and made his head drop backwards leaving him to drop her, but when she went down, so did he, right on top of her again. Except, she still had a strong hold on his hair. This time it was his turn to shriek, and he did.  
  
“Watch it!" He tried to loosen her hands from his hair, but she tugged his head up to make him stand in front of her, after she had already done so herself.  
  
“Sorry." She looked sincere for a second, which surprised him, but she only gripped it tighter.  
  
“Let go!"  
  
She couldn’t hold back the loud laughter that escaped her mouth. “And why should I do that. I mean we’re having so much fun. What with you being helpless and all." She shot him a mischievous look, which he came up to see.  
  
“Oh Christ Slayer! Alright you got me, and I’m terribly sorry." He threw his hands up in the air and said, “I don’t know what came over me." Then he thought for a minute. “Wait maybe I do………..maybe it’s you! You’re the one who strolls around my home wearing what you wear!"  
  
“Hahaha. Okay first of all this is not your home it’s the cemmetary; secondly I’m wearing this huge sweater! How can you find that sexy?! And thirdly I stroll nowhere near your crypt. So there!"  
  
“Well I guess I can find you sexy in anything. I mean it’s not exactly hard to imagine someone naked." He only said that to piss her off as a plan for her to let go. But it didn’t exactly go the way he planned. Instead she let go and threw him to the ground then brought her fist down to meet his face – hard!  
  
“Ow!" He cried. “That hurt!" But when he saw a flicker of a smile escape her he went on to piss her off even more. “Although I must say – VERY SEXY!"  
  
By now she was raging and continued to haul him into the air to send him to smack his head against the tree. She marched over to him to carry on her punches, but on the last one she threw he ducked and ran behind her to shove her up against the tree with her arm twisted back. She grimaced at the pain from hitting the tree as hard as she could.  
  
“It’s funny Slayer. You always miss the fifth one. And you know why?" He came closer to her neck as If he was going to bite her but stopped. “It’s because you get carried away. You should always think about what you’re doing, and what you’re gonna do, I mean your opponents not just gonna stand there while you pack punches." He paused and leant in closer to make her turn to look at him. When she did he gazed long into her eyes, which shone because of the moonlight. He let out a small laugh under his breath at the fact that he was in love with the prettiest, yet stubborn girl in the neighbourhood. But that’s what he loved about her she was so untouchable, yet so charming in her ways.   
  
She turned her head more to get a full picture of his face and didn’t know how to take what she saw. He looked so lost as he let his eyes scatter around her face, yet he looked so content, like he was willing to gaze at her for an eternity. Her face turned confused, and she dropped her shoulders down as far as he would let her, because he still had a strong hold on her arm. Then she shifted uncomfortably against the tree.  
  
As she did he woke up, and again covered his feelings up with a witty comment. “Well, maybe I would. But that’s just because I can’t resist it when you touch me Slayer. I mean you just rip the flesh off me."  
  
That made her tick, and she flung her leg back to hit his crotch, as hard as she could, but he anticipated her move and dodged. Instead he gave a sharp tug on her arm and she twirled around like they were ballroom dancing.  
  
“Oh so you can dance? Consider me stunned. I mean I’m just going off what people have told me. Nothing personal."  
  
Her hair was a little flustered which made her look even more ravishing to him. She flickered her eyes to shake off the dizziness he had caused her then came to meet his eyes, then thought if people had really been talking about her. They continued their dancing; punching and kicking. “So what has Spike been hearing about me then. Or was it just the voices in your head again?" and she hit that sentence with a sharp elbow jab up in his chin, and watched as he stumbled backwards.  
  
“Well…" He came back hitting and punching her the same. “…I don’t wanna hurt your feelings but…" he round-kicked her on the back to send her face smashing into a nearby tomb. “…They say you have two left feet."  
  
She came to stand, only to continue kicking him with double punches. “Really?" She spoke a little slower for the fact that her lip was bust from the collision with the hard stone of the tomb.  
  
He blocked a few and took a few blows but carried on. “Oh yeah. The guys who have seen you fight come to Willy’s every Tuesday – that’s when I get all the info, see how your doing. They say all sorts of things when you’re not around." He was starting to really enjoy himself now so he continued. “And, they all agreed with you always missing the fifth. Maybe you should work on that. I’d be happy to help you spa."  
  
“Thanks, but no thanks. And since when has any of your demon friends ever seen me dance?" She continued to slam him with neat fists.  
  
“Baby, we get everywhere, I bet we know more ‘bout you than those friends of yours do. Oh and…" He reached up to grab her hurtling leg, which could have been rather painful and pulled her closer with her leg almost vertical, then came to stare in her face with a naughty, but daring look. “…I heard about that dance with Xander. They said I should definitely have been there."  
  
She leant in closer almost touching his lip and said “You’re just jealous because it wasn’t with you." She looked at him plainly; waiting for his reaction but didn’t expect what he then did.  
  
He looked at how close she was, and was shocked by her daringness towards him. He looked where his hand was holding her ankle then turned to look at her again, then gave a slightly worried smirk. He opened his hand to let go of her leg, but remained staring at her. He loved having her this close, but moments like these didn’t come along very often.  
  
She lowered her leg quite slowly from shock of what was happening. She had never dealt with Spike when he hadn’t been cocky. She had only ever seen him when he was trying to kill her or trying to piss her off. But now he was silent and she was very uncomfortable.  
  
For a moment they stood staring at each other, but then Buffy gave a deep sigh and slouched down from his face. Then resigned to looking at the ground.  
  
Spike however, stared on as if she was still there the came to look down at her. He too gave a deep sigh – of pain.  
  
“I…uh…should probably go." She rubbed the back of her neck uneasily then finally came to look at him.   
  
“No. Don’t worry ‘bout it. I’ll go." He turned to leave facing the humiliation of his non-life.  
  
She watched as he almost faded into the darkness – even with his peroxide hair, when he pivoted sharply and faced her once more.  
  
“Uh...I just have to ask. If things were different, and you were different, and didn’t have all the burdens you carry with you now, do you think you could ever learn to love me, or at least be my friend?"  
  
She took another deep sigh, then walked towards him. “Spike, things aren’t different, and I’m not different. And your right I do carry many burdens, but I don’t think how much things change between us, that I could ever love you."  
  
He dipped is head down from the everlasting humiliation he had found himself to bear. He nodded, accepting her words and began to walk away.  
  
“But Spike…" She waited for him to turn. “I am your friend. I owe you that much. You’ve been there for me when no one else was, you always know what I need, and I don’t know how you do it but you always know what I’m thinking." She nervously chuckled, which he mimicked. “But that’s just what I need Spike, I need someone to look after me, and that’s what you do. No one else can do that. Not even me. And I guess I should say thanks, for everything." And with that she rose on her toes and kissed him softly on the cheek.   
  
He appreciated her kindness and returned the hug she then gave, wishing he could hold on to her for eternity. As she lowered herself she couldn’t help but gaze up at him. She had only intended it to be a way to say thank you, but she feared that he had misunderstood the gesture, and would get the wrong impression. Also the fact that he still had his arms wrapped loosely round her didn’t help much either.  
  
“So then," he nodded his head to thank her in his own way. “Just friends."  
  
She looked away now to avoid the pain in his eyes out of fear she would feel sorry for him and feel she had to give him more. “Yeah. Friends" She kindly moved his arms away and stepped back. “But hey, I guess it’s better than nothing for you. Right?"  
  
He sadly chuckled “It should be. But nothing ever goes the way it’s supposed to in Sunnydale does it?" And with that he went.  
  
She resumed to shuffle through the leaves and glare meaninglessly at the ground to finish patrolling, tying her best not to think about Spike and his feelings for her.  
  
  
  
He came up to his crypt and slowly shuffled through the door and went to slump on his chair to finish the bottle of whisky he had started earlier, and sighed deeply. He was such a fool. Who did he think he was trying it on with her, let alone her being a goddamn slayer!  
  
He took the bottle and instead of pouring a shot of it he knocked it back and in seconds it was gone. He stood to reach for another on the small table across the room. And when that was finished he took another and another.  
  
  
  
Dawn was sprawled across the sofa when Buffy walked in. “Dawn" she said as she quickened her pace to wake her. “Dawn!" Now she was shaking her quite violently. But she stopped when she stirred to wake.  
  
“Huh?" She asked as she sat to see a somewhat frightened sister. “What’s wrong? What happened?" She paused then continued. “You don’t have to go away do you, like last time?" She resumed to look at the ground.  
  
Buffy looked puzzled for a moment then replied. “What? No Dawnie. I just…. thought…" She couldn’t bring herself to say what she thought. “Come on you need to get to bed it’s way past your bedtime. I told you not to wait up for me." Desperately trying to defuse the situation.  
  
“You thought I was dead." She grabbed her blanket, switched the TV off and turned to face her. “Didn’t you?" Buffy gaze at her then looked away blinking a single tear away. “Like mom."  
  
She came round to face her now. “Yeah. I did. Come on we both need some sleep." And she followed Dawn to the bottom of the stairs, locked the doors, switched the lights off then went upstairs to bed.  
  
  
  
Spike was seriously stumbling over to the table again, and realised that all the bottles had gone. There must have been at least twelve full bottles of very high percentage whisky there, and all he was left with was empty ones laid around his crypt. He spun on his foot and steadied himself on the table. “Shit!" he exclaimed to himself. He walked over to put on his coat messily and walked out the door saying “oh well, we’ll just have to get some more then wont we." And with that he was out.  
  
After having some very interesting conversations with some trees and some lampposts. He realised he was kinda lost and he hadn’t found any booze. He looked where he was and saw that the forest ended pretty soon and headed for it. As he approached the mouth of the forest he saw flickers of sunlight spread on the roofs of the houses he came to stand in front of. “Oh bugger!" he shouted down the dusky street. He squinted at the first house he came across and ran round the back. He looked up to see a window, which he reckoned he could fit through, and began to climb up to it. When he got there the sun was inches above his head.  
  
He tried to lift the frame of the window but it was locked. The sun continued to creep down towards him so he banged on the window but it wasn’t very hard because he was still pretty drunk. He gave up hope and slumped his head on the sill. He was so out of it that he left his hands directly in the sun and they began to sizzle, when he noticed the curtains open and he found himself being dragged in.  
  
He rolled across a soft carpet and when he came to stop he looked up to see a pretty blond with her arms crossed glaring down at him expectantly.  
  
He rubbed his head and came to stand to meet her eyes. “Oh bloody hell! Of all the houses I coulda chose and it just so happened to be yours. Great!" He threw his hands up in the air and shook his head at the ground and began to chuckle to himself.  
  
“What the hell are you doing out at this time? Do you know what time it is? It’s half five – in the morning! And what have you been drinking? You’re a wreck. I should have left your sorry ass out there!"  
  
She walked over to draw the curtains then came back to continue questioning him. “And where do you get off being ungrateful for me saving your non-life?" She crossed her arms again and gave him a menacing look.  
  
He wobbled constantly, and giggled still. He knocked her chin as if she was a little girl. “Aren’t you just the cutest thing when your angry?" he continued to chuckle.  
  
She mimicked his laughing then said in a serous tone “Spike?" And when he looked up she planted a solid fist in his right cheek, and watched as he flew back to land in the corner.  
  
He brought his eyes up to hers starting from the feet upwards. “Uh." He grumbled as he shifted himself to a more comfortable position. He scanned her again, and then had to look away to stop himself. “Not to mention HOT in nightwear." He said it as if he was talking to himself, or maybe the wall, she couldn’t tell. He closed his eyes feeling the pain of being lonely…and a complete prat stumbling in here.  
  
She looked at what she was wearing – quite short shorts and quite a skimpy strap top. She ignored what he had just said and pulled him to his feet. Looking at his cheek. “Hey watch the carpet!" she looked to see where he had just been laid. “Blood stains!" But thankfully there was none there. His cheek on the other hand was in some state, she almost felt sorry for him, because he took what she gave him with no question.  
  
He felt his cheek and saw the blood on his fingers. “Oh, shit! Sorry…. can I use your bathroom to clean this up?"  
  
  
  
“Uh…" she was a bit shocked that he hadn’t called her a stupid bit or went on one of his usual rampages as he does when she hits him. “…Yeah, sure. Just don’t spill any blood in there. Oh, and be quiet because of Dawn – she’s still asleep, lucky for her."  
  
And with that he went quietly. She made her bed then crossed to the hall to go get breakfast when she saw Spike struggling to pick up the cloth because of his burnt hands, yet he continued to try to pick it up.  
  
She continued to walk on, but when she got halfway downstairs she felt a sense of guilt so she went to the bathroom to help. After all he was struggling because of her – like everyone seems to do when they meet her.  
  
He had managed to pick it up when she walked in, but he was having trouble with the tap. She took the cloth out of his hands. “Hey! Hello, could you not see I was using..." he cut himself off when he saw her dip it under the tap and bring it to his face. “Oh..." he look down then looked at her. “…Sorry."  
  
She began to dab the blood away. “Spike you have to stop apologising all the time. Since you got your soul back you haven’t been yourself."  
  
“Well that’s what you get when you get your conscience back, and get picked on by some evil mother fucker for three months." He could have kicked himself for saying how long he had actually been there.  
  
She stopped immediately. “Three months?! You’ve been back three months and you didn’t say anything? Why?"  
  
“Hey, I came back with a soul not to mention all over the place, I didn’t know who I was anymore. I was so confused. I just wanted to be alone. Besides you’re the last person I would call on. You practically hated me. All of you did. I thought it would be best if I just stayed out of the way. But then you had to come down to that basement and find me. And now I’m even more confused because I don’t know how to be around you ‘cause I’m not sure if you still hate me or if you’re just helping me because you pity me or not. So I get pissed – hoping it would help, but I always find myself near you. Which isn’t good seeing as though it doesn’t help me ‘cause it brings back all the pain…of being alone." He was starting to get a bit emotional now. “And I try to stay out of your way, I do, but when I see you in the cemetery…I can’t help it. So I try to disguise it all by acting like the old Spike. But that doesn’t help ‘cause you can’t tell any difference so you don’t see how I have changed. Plus, with all the scoobies hating me from before. And I’m left alone with no one to talk to. Then stuff like this happens." He took a deep sigh then stood motionless looking at her expecting her to call the decision of whether or not he should leave or not.  
  
She didn’t speak at first, she just rinsed the cloth, and continued to dab his cheek. “You could have called. I don’t hate you. I never did, I hated myself – for being who I was but that’s all over now. If you’d have asked I would have talked to you I would have listened." She finished cleaning him up and washed the cloth clean, put it back then came round to continue. “It’s been so hard for me to cope. And when you left…I had no one to talk to. I thought I had lost another friend because of me." She blinked and a tear ran down her cheek. “Everyone I meet seems to go, eventually they leave. How would that make you feel? It made me feel like I was wrong – an outcast." She held back more tears and looked at him who was kinda weepy now. “ I had no one to talk to. You’re the only one who understands me."  
  
He let out a long breath. “Well, then I guess we kinda need each other, don’t we?" He went to lean on the sink but recoiled at the pain of his burnt hand.  
  
She immediately rushed to have a look, and picked up his hand in hers. “Yeah, I guess we kinda do." She took a closer look at his hand then looked at both of them. “God, Spike. How much of a beating can you take?"  
  
“I get this every day. Whether it be physical or mental. But I always seem to manage to live for something." He looked at the state of his hands and realised how bad they were. He was so stupid getting drunk, and bringing this on her.  
  
She too was looking at his hands, then looked at his face, which was still looking down. “If I got this every day I wouldn’t be able to handle it. What could you possibly find to live for?"  
  
He looked at her now, but didn’t say anything. She quite clearly got the message that he lived for her. She gazed intensely into his eyes then broke the silence. “Would you like anything for breakfast. Seeing as though you’re here…and it’s daytime." She tried to brighten the situation.  
  
“Oh god I’m such a…I shouldn’t have done this. It was a stupid idea to think that everything would go away by getting pissed. If you’ve got a blanket I could run back to my crypt. It’s not that far." He was just about sober now.  
  
“No. We don’t have much these days. What with the practically being broke thing."   
  
He nodded his head. “Looks like I’ll be staying then." He turned to look in the mirror as if to check the bruise on his cheek. Then stopped, seeing no reflection, sighed then rested on the sink and relaxed his head down. “I forgot. I guess it’s with you treating me like I’m one of you." He was fully facing her now, and he removed his jacket.  
  
She gave a little smile, and then turned to go. “If you want anything just shout." She disappeared round the corner, but was back in a flash. “But not too loud. Dawns still asleep."  
  
He gave a small chuckle then his eyes turned passed her to look at a very awake Dawn.  
  
“No I’m not." She looked at Buffy then looked at Spike, who had just finished removing his jacket. “But I can be if you want, or, or I could go downstairs and watch TV. REALY loud."  
  
Buffy realised how bad this obviously looked, and blushed slightly. “No Dawn, Spike and I, well it’s not what you think. We’re not back together. He came through this morning. And I didn’t want to let him burn so I let him in, and we were just cleaning up the cut on his cheek." She pointed at it as if she needed to prove something.  
  
“Oh good, because you know what someone would think if you were. You know B-" But she was cut off by Buffy giving her a sharp jab with her elbow.  
  
Spike tilted his head for Buffy and showed Dawn the almost black bruise where it had begun to heal.  
  
“Wow. Cool, how did you get that?"  
  
He laughed for a second then nodded over to Buffy.   
  
Dawn looked at Buffy who was still looking a bit shaky because of how it looked to Dawn. But she was mostly thinking about her and spike and the possibility that she still felt for him. “Hey" Dawn said as she placed an arm on Buffy’s “Are you okay? He didn’t try to…did he?"  
  
She shot her head up, and objected straight away. “What? No!" She darted eyes from Dawn to Spike then back to Dawn. “No. He didn’t. He’s changed he’s not like that anymore. He has a sou-“She was cut of by Spike cutting in.  
  
“Uh. A sore shoulder." He looked to Buffy for back up. Which she discretely nodded to.  
  
“Yeah, he has a sore shoulder." She agreed.  
  
“You have a sore shoulder?" Dawn was not buying it. So Spike started to rub his shoulder.   
  
“Aw Yeah. Hurts like hell." He made as if he was wincing in pain.  
  
“You’ve changed because you have a sore shoulder." She nodded. Figuring she wasn’t gonna get the truth. “Right. Whatever you say. I believe you."  
  
“Dawn. He really does have a sore shoulder. Look." And with that she walked to Spike and punched the shoulder – hard! Spike really cried out in pain now.  
  
Dawn shrugged, not caring that Spike had tears in his eyes for the extreme blow she just gave him. “Okay" She turned to go then turned back to say one last thing. “But if you ask me you two just got interrupted doing something that I’m not meant to know about."  
  
Buffy’s mouth dropped open. “Your wrong Dawn. Very wrong. And go get some breakfast or you’ll be late for school." And with that dawn was gone. Spike looked very confused then shrugged it off, figuring it was girl talk.  
  
Buffy watched her go, then turned to look at Spike. “What was that about? Why don’t you want her to know?"  
  
“Because I don’t want anyone to know. I don’t want them to act different around me. And they would. Just like they did with Angel. I saw it. And I think you popped my shoulder out of it’s joint." She watched as he held it and gave it a sharp push. She grimaced when she heard the click of it setting back into place. Then carried on.  
  
“So why’d you tell me?"  
  
“I had to. I just…I can’t lie to you Buffy. No matter how hard I try. I can’t hurt you now. With the chip it’s bad enough, but I can’t even dream of hurting you. You see now. I can’t stand to be away from you, but when I am around you, it brings back the pain."  
  
“If you can’t lie to me why didn’t you tell me you had been back for three months?"  
  
“You saw how I was Buffy. All those voices in my head. I didn’t know what was real or what they were trying to trick me with. But now I’m better, and I just told you." He walked up close to her. “Please. Don’t tell anyone."  
  
She looked up at him. “Fine. But you better not try anything funny. Like in the cemetery. Deal?"  
  
He made a face to express his loss of not being able to flirt with her then shrugged realising his part of the deal was more important. “Okay. Deal."  
  
“Good." And she was off.  
  
He stared at the space where she had just been stood then, went in the opposite direction to her bedroom. He sat on her bed, and looked around. He laid his coat on it, and then stood to leave and join her downstairs.  
  
As he entered the hallway, he saw her come out form Dawn’s bedroom, she was in such a rush that she walked straight into Spike. In fact it was so hard they went down together. She immediately pushed herself of him and made a face of disgust. “Careful. You okay?"  
  
She brushed herself off. Then realised someone was talking to her. She didn’t smile at all. “Well I was until now." She went to walk right passed him, but he stopped her by grabbing her arm. He questioned her with a look. “Oh brother. What?" She frowned. “What the hell are you looking at, and do you mind taking your filthy hands off me!" He let go, and she rushed down the stairs.  
  
He stood there puzzled. Then followed where she had just went. As he came downstairs he saw her waving to Dawn and Xander who was giving her a lift. She shut the door, and turned to see Spike. He came the rest of the way down avoiding the sunlight of the closing door.  
  
She smiled. “They’re gone. Finally, I can go get dressed now." He stopped a couple of steps up. She walked up to pass him. But he put his arm out to stop her. As he did her face turned serious. “Spike? I kinda need to get passed."  
  
“Are you okay?"  
  
“Yeah, I feel…" she smiled “…cold, I could do with some more clothes on. But yeah I’m okay, why?" She looked concerned now. “What’s wrong?"  
  
He looked confused. Why was she being nice now, but before she had just blown his head off. “Uh, it’s nothing." He took his arm away and held her arm now. He expected her to flip on him like she did before but stood also looking very confused. “No. It’s nothing." He let go of her arm and continued to go downstairs. As he did she watched him with puzzlement, then she ran upstairs to get more clothes.  
  
When she came back down, fully clothed she saw Spike bundled on the sofa in deep thought.  
  
“Spike, are you sure nothing’s wrong, because if there is you should really tell me, because we don’t know if we got rid of The First. It could be back again. Is it?"  
  
He looked at her cheerfully. “Really, it’s nothing. No voices in my head."  
  
“Good. Now I gotta go to the Magic Box. Giles wants me to practise my moves for when he goes away to London. I should be back in about an hour or two. Okay? You can help yourself to what food we got, but we don’t got much. Or you could watch TV, or anything you want."  
  
He nodded his head. “Buffy, I’ll be fine, go already."  
  
“Oh and I’ve shut all the curtains so you can go anywhere. But not in my bedroom…or Dawn’s." she pointed a stern finger at her.  
  
He put his hands out to stop her. “You don’t have to worry bout that. I’d have to have two summers after me." He widened his eyes at the thought. “Have a nice time, and if I need anything. I’ll call the Magic Box."  
  
“Okay. See ya." And she was gone.  
  
He sat there still and resumed to thinking what was wrong, why did she go wacko on him earlier. And why was she in such a rush.  
  
  
  
A few hours had gone by and the sun was close to setting. She still hadn’t come back. He went up to get his coat, and was ready to leave, when she came through the back door. She hadn’t seen him at first. He went further into the kitchen.  
  
“Hey." She looked very startled.  
  
“You’re still here?" she said it as if she seriously wanted him out.  
  
“Actually, I was just about to leave, seeing as though the sun has set."  
  
She looked at him as though he was wasting her time. “Okay, see ya." She walked straight by him.  
  
He pivoted on his heel and stopped her to ask what the hell she was playing at. But she didn’t let him speak, because she sun round and kicked the right side of his jaw then walked off.   
  
He stood holding his jaw in agony. A little harder and she would have cracked it. He composed himself, and watched her go upstairs. “Fine then. If that’s the way you want it. I’ll stay away completely. Goodbye!" He looked quite sad considering the fact that he was completely alone for another night. And then he was gone.  
  
Buffy ran to her room and started rummaging through her drawers and her wardrobe. Soon she had trashed her room. She stopped when she saw her diary at the bottom of her wardrobe.  
  
  
  
Spike slowly walked back to his crypt, thinking about the one girl in his life who didn’t want to be in it, and likewise for him.  
  
He was almost there when she called him. He turned round in puzzlement. “Buffy?"  
  
“Hey, where are you going? I was on my way home, but I thought I would fit in some patrolling. Giles told me to keep active – he thinks I’ll sleep better. Him and his theories." Her smile faded when she saw he wasn’t smiling. She came closer to him now.  
  
“Great." He walked straight passed her, as she had done to him.  
  
“What’s with the grumpiness?"  
  
He turned around to look at her. "Well I don’t know, maybe it’s the fact that I’ll have a sore jaw for a few days."   
  
“What?" When he looked at her he could tell she was genuinely confused.   
  
“You don’t remember?"  
  
“Remember what?"  
  
“Before. You came in and you kicked me, so I left."  
  
“Spike, I haven’t been back yet." She looked deadly serious. “Are you sure it was me, you didn’t dream it and accidentally hit your chin or something?"  
  
“No, I’m pretty sure it was you. Are you sure you didn’t go back? It was so real."  
  
“ I’m positive. I’m gonna go check it out you go back to your crypt. It’s probably the safest place for you." And with that she ran off. He did as she said and went back to his crypt.  
  
  
  
When she got home, she found dawn in her bedroom shocked at the state of it. When she saw Buffy she showed her. “Look at this! What the hell happened?"  
  
Buffy didn’t answer; instead she went to check out her room. It was in the same mess as Dawns. Dawn came to see hers. “I bet it was Spike. It must have been, he was the only one who was in the house all day."  
  
“Yeah he was. He told me that he saw another me, but I guess that was just another one of his distractions." She paused and ran over to her wardrobe. “Uh. And the little shit read my diary. That’s it. We seriously need to talk." And she headed off downstairs, followed by Dawn.  
  
Dawn looked at the page where it had been left open and saw that the whole page was a full chapter about Spike.  
  
She grabbed her coat, and then stopped to talk to Dawn. “When I go lock the doors. I’ll climb through the window, and don’t wait up. It’s gonna be a long night."  
  
“So I don’t get to come? That’s so not fair why not?"  
  
“Because you’re too young. Plus, if you saw what I’m gonna do to him you’d suffer from severe trauma." And with that she turned to go.  
  
“Uh. I think I’ll pass on coming." And she locked the door behind her sister.  
  
  
  
Spike was just coming up from the lower level of his crypt when she bust open the door. He was just about to speak, when she went straight to him, and punched him on his left cheek where the bruise was just healing, and split it open again.  
  
“Oh no! You can’t be serious I thought I got you before. Now I don’t know which one is which."  
  
She stopped hitting him in confusion, of what he was talking about. “Spike! Stop it! I know you’re faking it. Nice try. But not good enough." She continued to pummel him. When he grabbed her fist and spun it round behind her and held her there tightly. He pushed her against the wall and unbuckled his belt.   
  
She struggled vigorously, thinking it was another rape attack, when she felt him tie her wrists together with it. Which she supposed was better, but he pulled it so tight she couldn’t move them an inch.  
  
He lifted her up, and carried her down to the lower level, where she saw an exact replica of herself. She was so shocked. Spike must have been telling the truth. WOW – Spike actually told the truth, she didn’t know what shocked her more.  
  
He carried her over to the bed, and laid her on it. He then tied her feet up so she wouldn’t kick him in the face again. She heard the other Buffy talk; who was chained to the wall.   
  
“Spike, who is that. Oh, wait it’s not another robot you built is it? ‘Cause if it is, it’s going down."  
  
Spike paced up and down the room thinking what the hell to do and who was the real Buffy.  
  
Then the other talked. “No way bitch. If anyone’s going down, it’s you. Just ‘cause you look like doesn’t mean that you can act like me." She tried harder to break her bonds, but there was no chance she couldn’t.  
  
Spike stopped. “That’s it! The one who acts like Buffy the most will have to be her. But how will I test that. You both just came in and punched me."  
  
Then the one chained to the wall spoke. “There’s no need Spike. I’m the real Buffy, she’s gotta be some demon that so obviously can’t act like a slayer or else she’d know that when I get free I’m gonna kick her ass. Just let me go."  
  
“No way Spike. Let me go, she’s lying. Can’t you tell, I thought vampires could tell."  
  
Spike looked between them as they spoke. Everything about them was the same.  
  
“I’m trying to think of a thing that only Buffy would know. Okay…" he sat on the bed next to her. “…What about us?"  
  
“What do you mean what about us?" Said the chained up one.  
  
“Yeah, what do you mean about us? There is no more us. We discussed this a long time ago Spike. I thought you were over me." Said the one on the bed.  
  
“Ah. I can’t believe you. Spike that’s not fair, she’s been reading my diary, that’s what it says on the page she left open. Ooh let me go, I’m gonna crush her – slowly." She shot menacing eyes at her.  
  
“Nuh-uh, YOU read my diary, that’s why I came here I thought it was Spike. You have to let me go." Spike looked at her and stroked her cheek, moving some hair out of her face. When she looked up at him she looked at him with an expressionless face. Then he walked over to the chained up Buffy, stood in front of her, and stared at her for a long time.  
  
He touched her face, and ran his finger over her lips. She stared back at him, then he moved closer and leaned in for a kiss, but she backed away.  
  
“Come on Buffy, it’s the only way I can tell. If I kiss you."  
  
“How the hell will that help, seriously the times you want it is just unbelievable. I mean do you ever not think about sex?"  
  
He thought about the question for a moment. “Well no, but that’s not the point, please if you just let me kiss you, I’ll know."  
  
She thought for a while, but eventually gave in and leaned over to kiss him. He was expecting it to be like all the times he had kissed her before, but it was weird.   
  
She wasn’t able to move much, but she leaned closer to him, and pressed herself against him. He touched her face then took them down to her neck, and rubbed it lustfully. The kiss turned more passionate, and quickened its pace. He followed her arms up with his cool hands and entwined her hands in his. Then he brought them down and twizzled a few strands of her hair. As he did he felt her lips widen and the tiniest smile escaped. He stopped, and looked at her again.   
  
She didn’t know what he had stopped for, but she was concerned of who he thought she was.  
  
He walked over to the Buffy on the bed, and stood her on her feet. He then grabbed his sword and put it through her stomach, and left it there, as he waited for her reaction.  
  
She gave in knowing her cover was blown, and began to laugh. “Oh well, it was good while it lasted. The plan was that you would kill her but it looks like I’ll just have to do it myself." And with that she split his belt and the rope round her feet, took the sword out, and knocked him out the way, to attack Buffy.  
  
As she headed straight towards her she raised her feet and kicked her back, it was the best she could do chained to the wall. “Uh, Spike a little help here." And he came to help her, but the other Buffy got up first and ran the sword directly through her shoulder, and ripped it down a little and continued to cut and slice her.  
  
Buffy winced in pain and tried to flop to the floor but the chains would not let her, while it kept slashing. She did it with such speed, until Spike tackled her to the ground, and then she had a good go at him with the blade.  
  
“God, don’t you just love the way metal cuts through flesh. Almost as good as teeth." And with that she revealed her true self, with the largest teeth he had seen in a long while, not to mention - sharp. And it continued to tackle him.   
  
He managed to break free and reach his axe. He raised it and charged at it as hard as he could, but instead he ended up running into a pipe that was sticking out. Needless to say it exploded with force. It blinded him for a good moment, as the whole room began to flood – fast.  
  
But it did not stop the demon. “God, what is it with you demons." He kicked it out the way then continued. “I mean don’t get me wrong ‘cause first impressions – very scary." He continued to pummel it as best he could. “But once you hit me…it just wasn’t intimidating at all! You need some originality to the way you fight. I mean yeah it hurts but there are so many ways of hurting people."  
  
It growled loud, in a much deeper voice than Buffy’s. “Believe me, I know." And it charged at him again, sending him flying, while the room continued to flood.  
  
“See that’s the thing, I don’t believe you, you have to be more forceful in the threatening. Any rate, your probably gonna end up eating some poor sod before you can actually talk, but that way you miss out on the begging, and the tears. They’re the best part."  
  
It was pretty badly now, with deep gauges of axe marks all over it. It was growing weaker too. Yet it managed to laugh at his attempts to throw it off balance. That only made Spike charge harder, and when he did the demon went flailing into the wall and the crack of its head made the most disgusting slimy sound – Spike almost found himself cringing.  
  
He walked over to it and brought the axe down again and again, to get the better of it. Then it grabbed his axe with its last energy and brought its teeth through his stomach but they were so big they reached his hip and cracked some of the bone. He wailed in excruciating pain, and then grew very angry a she swung his axe round to slice right through its canvas neck. As he did it cried out, and dropped its teeth then he watched as its head rolled off then its whole body disintegrated into black smoke then left his crypt with a high pitched squeal.  
  
He covered his ears to try and numb the sound of it. When the pain subsided he stood straight to stretch his back the turned to see Buffy hip deep in cold water, which was rapidly rising. She was still trying to struggle from the chains but was getting nowhere. He waded over to her about to undo the buckles but realised he had no key. He looked around for it but could see it nowhere.  
  
“Spike?" she tried to sound calm but didn’t do a good job of it. He stopped to look at her. “Please don’t tell me you’ve lost the key!"  
  
He remained looking at her then said, “Well…."  
  
She sighed angrily. “Oh god. Where the hell did you put them?"  
  
“Over here just give me a minute." He walked over to his bed and began to look around the scattered furniture. But had no luck.  
  
“Jesus Christ spike! Next time you decide to chain me up make sure you have a spare key, and that there is no water rising. I need to breathe you know! In fact…never chain me up again!"  
  
“Oh bloody hell!" He grabbed his axe, and waded back over to her, finding it harder and slower, due to the high level of water. “Sorry! But what was I meant to do there was two of you, and what was I supposed to do when I didn’t know which one was you? You probably would have done the same." And with that he cracked the buckles with the axe. She squinted as he did, thinking he was bound to miss.  
  
Her arms flopped down as they became loose, and she realised what strength she didn’t have. She hadn’t realised how much the chains had been holding her up, and her knees gave way as she dipped under the water for a second until Spike lifted her up on her feet again.  
  
The water was extremely cold on her face and she found it hard to catch her breath back but when she did she thanked Spike. “Thanks. Too bad that bitch didn’t stick around, or else I would’ve made her feel like I do."  
  
He still had a hold of her arms to steady her. “And how do you feel?" He asked very concerned.  
  
“Like some mega bitch demon with a grudge just wailed on me with a very sharp blade. Which if you hadn’t of guessed, feels crappy! I’m not even sure if I can make it upstairs."  
  
“Well the waters coming in fast so I guess I’ll have to help you." And with that he lifted her up into his arms and carried her upstairs. As he balanced up the ladders she purposely rocked a little and laughed as he wobbled.  
  
“Hey if you want to have a water fight be my guest. You’ll just have to face a major whipping of your ass."  
  
“Oh please you only barely, managed to scare off that demon. I don’t think you could take another girl in one night."  
  
“I don’t know, you’d be surprised how much a guy can take. Especially for a girl." He continued up the ladders. “Where d’ya wanna be?" And he held her until she gave an answer.  
  
She was still lingering on the last thing he had said but she managed to speak. “Anywhere will be fine, somewhere comfy." And she gave a smile a little girl would.  
  
He saw the smile and couldn’t hold back a smile of laughter. He laid her on his big armchair then went over to his medical box and got out the necessities for these situations. He removed his shirt and then she saw the gigantic teeth marks. She grimaced in pain for him, she had seen bad wounds before but that was just painful. Then she thought about her own wounds.  
  
“Oh yeah sure, see to yourself before the lady." She spoke not taking her eyes off the marks. “Oh my god, how the hell do you go on like this? Is there a single day where you don’t get hurt?"  
  
He poured some liquid onto a cloth then pressed it firmly into the deep punctures. He took a deep breath in as he tried to fight the pain. “Not recently. But it’s worth it. And if any of my blood mixed with yours you’d be turned. That’s why I’m clearing this up before I do you."  
  
She was complemented by the fact that he had thought of her, he was always thinking of her. But she hardly ever thought of him. Well, not till recently. “Oh, thanks. I almost forgot that you were a vampire." She saw a look of pain spread across his face. “Or should I say undead American?" She tried to laugh the situation away.  
  
He was just about finished now, and he stood tall to look at her with a brave face. “Just call me Spike luv. And you might wanna close your eyes for a sec while I change my pants."  
  
“Oh…" And she did so, not wanting to see more than what she had. She heard him change then when he had stopped and she heard him tighten his belt she opened them again, but he was still topless. She hadn’t noticed how gorgeous his six pack was before.  
  
He slipped on a t-shirt over his bandaged stomach, which he also had in the box. It showed off the lovely muscles on his arms. He looked down the hole to the lower level. “It looks like it’s stopping now, good job too, I can barely cope without a bed, let alone a chair or TV."  
  
She pretended that she had never seen his muscles, but it was as if he could read her mind when he looked at her. “You don’t have to fix me up. I can do it at home, Dawn wont be up anyway."  
  
“It’s not that I wont let you go home, but you’ve lost too much blood, and you’ll have lost more by the time you get there. Not to mention that fact that you can’t walk straight, and you’re very wet and cold. You’d get pneumonia."  
  
She realised that she was actually shivering quite violently. “Guess you’re right then." She tried to push herself up to stand but ended up back in the chair. “God it’s so frustrating being helpless!"  
  
He chuckled as she got wound up, and gave her a hand to get up. “Well, I’ve kinda got no bed anymore so you’ll have to settle for the tomb."  
  
“Oh, sure." She began to shuffle over to it but she was so weak. He watched her walk away from him then rolled his eyes and picked her up again.  
  
“What is it with you ladies. Always gotta do the independence act." And he placed her on the tomb and gently laid her head down. He grabbed a little cushion off the chair and put it under her head. “You gotta let people in now and again. It does help. I know."  
  
He lifted her arm to remove her shirt. She hesitated at first then let him, realising he was helping her. “Spike, every time I try and let someone in it ends up with the only thing in me being a sword."  
  
He thought about it. “True. But what if you forget about being the slayer and the fighting job for a moment. How many people do you let get close to you?"  
  
He had totally removed her shirt now, which made her shiver even more. “You should really get some heating in here."  
  
“Well I was gonna buy a little heater for the place, but I keep telling myself I’m not sticking around for long. So there’s no need. Here, I’ll get you a blanket." And he walked away returning with a blanket it his hands. He laid it over her body but avoided her shoulder.  
  
“Thanks." She hissed when he touched the deep gash leading from her shoulder.   
  
He cleared away the blood with the antiseptic, and he saw her grit her teeth in pain. He saw her eyes close for a second and she wanted to keep them closed but she fought it and came to look at him. “You know this would be a whole lot easier, and less painful if I just knocked you out."  
  
“No, I’d rather be conscious." She nodded at the way she was dressed to reason with him.  
  
“What’s a matter luv? Don’t you trust me? I’m hardly gonna take advantage of a lass when she’s injured, not to mention unconscious."  
  
“That may be so Spike, but…" she thought of the best words to say without offending him too much. “…It’s just that I don’t know you as well as I thought I did, especially with last year. I’d rather stay awake."  
  
He got what she was implying. “Right then." And he got back to work. When the blood washed away he saw the true deepness of the cut, and had to look away for a second.  
  
“Aww what’s up, can Spike not take it. Guess you’re not that big after all. All the girls will be so disappointed, but don’t worry I won’t tell."  
  
  
  
“No, not at all. I had something in my eye. Just looked away to blink it out. That’s all."  
  
“Whatever, you can’t lie to me Spike – you said so yourself."  
  
“Shut up." He resumed to bandaging her shoulder up. “Uh, I just need to lift you up for a sec to take it round. He gestured to lift her up.  
  
“Sure. You know you don’t have to be so modest; it’s actually getting freaky now. Can’t you at least be a bit like the old Spike?"  
  
“No!" He hadn’t realised it but he sounded very forceful towards her. “Sorry, I just mean that he was a prick. He hated himself and so did everyone else. He was lame. You hated him, now you want me to be like him, I don’t get it."  
  
“Yeah, I did hate him but…he’s the one I fell in love with."  
  
“In love? You never said anything. Why not?" He was so confused now, why hadn’t he seen it. He finished the bandage and taped it.  
  
“Well I tried telling myself that I wasn’t, but when you left I never got to tell you, and after what happened in the bathroom I thought it could be possible. But when you weren’t here I realised how much I missed you around me."  
  
“Well I’m back now."  
  
“Yeah, but it’s not the same you’ve got a soul and It’s all changed. The both of us have. I have a life now. Just because I once loved you doesn’t mean that I would have once stayed with you. It wasn’t a healthy relationship. You know that."  
  
“True. But I still love you Buffy, my soul may have been returned but that’s all that’s changed. My heart still loves you."  
  
“I’m sorry spike, I can’t go back there. Not again." She began to stand, and pulled the blanket fully over her now, but her bra strap was still down her shoulder.  
  
“I know." He put a finger under the strap and lifted it back into place. “I’m not asking you to Buffy. I could never ask you for anything now. I was a bitch, and to be honest, I don’t know why you put up with me still. Do you want me to do the rest of these cuts?"  
  
She looked at her bra strap and felt strangely uncomfortable. She felt so vulnerable because of her weakness. “ They’ll be fine, I can feel them healing already. And I know you wouldn’t, but I just can’t let you in just yet. I don’t even know how you got your soul back. If you just talked to me then maybe things would feel better. For both of us." She was sat straight up on the tomb now, and was looking right at him. There was barely an inch between them.  
  
“I wanted to Buffy, I did. When I came back the first thing I wanted to do was see you. Just to have you in front of me, and I wanted so desperately just to touch you. Even just a handshake, anything to smell you’re scent one more time. If I had I would have left. But I didn’t, I couldn’t…" He rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably.  
  
“Why not? You know sometimes Spike I really don’t get you." He was still looking down; he couldn’t bring himself to look at her.  
  
Tears welled in his eyes now. “You know I had it son figured out in my head, when I was on my way back. For once something was clear in my head. But when I got back, I found out it wasn’t just me who had changed. It wasn’t the same, it didn’t feel right. I got so confused." A few tears came from his eyes now, but he didn’t cry.  
  
She took his hand and held it on her lap with one hand then brought his head round to face her with the other. “ It doesn’t matter now. You’re back, and no one is out to get you any more. It’s okay now."  
  
He shook his head sorrowfully, and looked at her who looked full of pity. “No." He let go of her hand and went to sit on the chair, and opened a bottle. “You don’t get it, everything is WRONG! You don’t see how much you’ve changed. It, it’s like you don’t have any feelings anymore. We used to be so close, even before we got together. When you were with Riley, we would talk for so long every night. But now…"  
  
Her eyes were becoming a bit teary now. “Well what do you expect Spike. How can I talk to something that isn’t real."  
  
“What do you mean?" He finished the bottle, and then placed it on the floor.  
  
“You came back." She shimmied off the tomb, and came over to him slowly because of her new stiffness. “You weren’t aggressive, you didn’t ask for anything, you didn’t try anything – well except for last night in the cemetery. But my point is that I didn’t know how to handle that. I told myself you weren’t real and that, you’d be gone soon. But it didn’t work."  
  
“Sorry to disappoint you." He saw her feet come in his line of vision on the floor and he looked up at her.  
  
“You didn’t, you just shocked me. But shocks over now." And she brought her knee up to kneel on him then sat herself on his lap. He was a little shocked at first then accepted her with his arms. She leant forward and slipped her boots off then tucked her feet under the blanket. She had leather pants on so they weren’t wet. She was like a little bundle of joy on his lap. She leaned her tired head on his shoulder, and heard no heart beat. But it didn’t bother her.  
  
He loved her for not looking upon him differently, in all his dead life no one had ever done that, who truly knew what he was. He had nothing to hide from her.  
  
“Comfy luv?"  
  
She had closed her eyes now. “Aha." She said muffled, but she didn’t open her eyes.  
  
“How’s your shoulder?"  
  
“Do you want the truth?" she still had her eyes closed.  
  
“Always."  
  
“Hurts like hell." And she chuckled a little bit, as did he.  
  
There was a moment of silence then, she flickered her eyes open and sat up to look at him, with a very confused face. “What’s wrong?" He asked.  
  
“How did you know?"  
  
“About your shoulder?"  
  
“No, no how did you know that it was me – the real Buffy?"  
  
“It was easy, I knew when I kissed you."  
  
She laughed a bit. “Spike how can you tell someone by their kiss? That’s crazy!"  
  
“I don’t actually know, I’d never felt a kiss like that before. It was amazing."  
  
“Spike you know how I kiss, we kissed before."  
  
“I know, but it was different. I don’t know if it was my soul or that you didn’t love me anymore, and it wasn’t the same for you but I felt something. Plus, you smiled when I played with your hair. I figured only you could remember how much I love your hair." He too gave a chuckle as she did.  
  
“I’ve never known a guy to love a girl for her hair before."  
  
“Not just your hair Buffy, everything about you. You’re just incredible. The way you make me feel. That’s why I stay."  
  
“Well I don’t feel very incredible right now, I’m covered in bruises, and cuts."  
  
“Well you still look sexy to me, if it’s any consolation."  
  
  
  
She blushed a little but she didn’t know why it was only Spike giving her a compliment – he usually did. “Thank you. And you don’t look too bad yourself of late."  
  
He laughed that compliment right away, she was just being polite. “Actually, come to think of it, I’ve never seen you not looking sexy. Remember the day I first talked to you, you were hot back then. But god that kiss. Don’t tell me you didn’t feel something."  
  
She thought about the kiss, and how good it actually did feel. She crumpled her forehead thinking of how she lusted for him when they did kiss. It was unlike anything she had ever felt with him – and she had had some good times with him!  
  
“I felt something. I don’t know what, but yeah, I did. It was strange. It was like…" And they said in perfect unison “…We were having our first kiss." She looked at him when she noticed they had both said the same thing, and that they both felt that way.  
  
“Strange. We’ve never really felt the same way before. But now, it’s like something’s clicked, and made things different."  
  
“That would be one way to describe it I guess." She kept replaying the kiss in her head. She moved herself to straddle him with her knees tucked under. “Why do you think it was like that?" he was about to propose an answer when he saw that her blanket hung slightly open. He suddenly got very uncomfortable, thinking of how he should act. He still wasn’t clear on how he was supposed to react to these kind of things.  
  
He dragged his eyes away from her beautiful soft skin and came up to meet her eyes. “I don’t know. Maybe it was just our imaginations, or maybe just me, I haven’t been kissed for a long while."  
  
“All this time you were away you didn’t kiss anyone? Wow."  
  
“Well yeah, when you’re trying to get over someone you know you still love you don’t really feel like the dating type."  
  
She nodded. “Of course. Maybe you’re right. I guess we’ll never find out though, it’s not like we’re gonna kiss again is it?" She was surprised that he was okay with what she had just said.  
  
“Your call luv. I’m just…" He thought of the best way to describe who he was to her. “…Someone who’s here for you, anytime you need help, unless of course I die soon. Then I guess I won’t be around."  
  
“No. You can’t die." She put a hand around his neck and came close to look into his eyes. “You can’t. I need you here, I can’t lose you again, I’m not ready, I couldn’t handle it. If you left, I wouldn’t be able to go on. I only got through you leaving before because I thought I didn’t love you anymore, but now…" She had only just realised what she had just said, and had to stop herself.  
  
“Now…" He looked deep into her eyes and saw what she thought, she was desperate to love him again, but she wouldn’t tell him. “…You still do don’t you? You still…" He thought of how happy he was at this point; she had practically said it herself. What would be wrong with that, he did have a soul now. He could make it work. “…Love me."  
  
“What?" She backed away immediately, and began to get off him gathering herself up. But he froze her still when he held her hips as she backed up. She looked at him, then tried to look convincing. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. You’ve obviously got the wrong end of the stick Spike. Can we finish this another time, I left Dawn by herself." She found herself becoming very nervous now.  
  
“Yeah you did, but Red lives there too. I think she can hold her own. And I would actually like to finish this now. That is if you don’t mind." He still kept hold of her hips.  
  
“Uh, well if you want to, b-but there’s really nothing to finish is there?" She saw his ‘not-buying-it’ face then relaxed down back into him. “Fine."  
  
“You never finished you’re sentence. Why did you stop yourself? You were gonna say it weren’t you?"  
  
“I’m really sorry to disappoint you but no I wasn’t going to say that I loved you." She also noticed he still had his hands on her hips.  
  
“So what were you going to say then?" And he raised his eyebrows at her.  
  
“Uh…w-well, I was going to say that it wouldn’t be the same now. And what I meant to say is…is that…that I don’t love you anymore." She looked to see if he was buying it at all.  
  
“Uh hu…that so luv? So why did you say it then?" He smiled testing how much more crap she could make up.  
  
“Well, I…" She looked to the ceiling and cringed; not being able to think of a good excuse, then slumped down and laughed. “Okay, I lied! Yes maybe it’s true, I don’t know, you’ve only been in my life for what…two weeks already. I mean how can anyone be sure in two weeks. Would you be sure if you only had someone come back for two weeks who was totally different?"  
  
“I knew in the first second." It was obvious he was talking about her. “And you can’t help who you fall in love with can you?"  
  
“Well, I suppose you could always try avoiding them for a few years. I mean you’re bound to go off someone by then." She looked away thinking, not realising she had totally side tracked the conversation. “Or maybe more than a few years, maybe never even see them ag-“ She was cut off by being pulled down, towards him for a kiss. She didn’t resist at all, which she thought was a bit strange. What could another kiss hurt anyway?  
  
It lasted longer than the previous one, and was definitely more intense than earlier. When he pulled her away, he wore a smile that didn’t look as if it was going to fade any time soon. “Would you really want to avoid me forever?"  
  
She made it look as if it was a very hard decision to make then she answered. “Well, if I did, I would lose out on a very good nurse. So I’m gonna go with no."  
  
“Oh, now that’s it little missy, if you weren’t so weak right now, I’d make you pay for that. Well and truly."  
  
She laughed at his threat; he was slowly gaining his identity as Spike now, which she was more than happy to see. “Oh really?"  
  
“You bet. By the time I was finished with you, you’d never want to mock me again."  
  
“Oh yeah, well I’m not that weak so I think I’ll just carry on mocking you." She leant in closer and rested her forehead on his and looked straight at him, also smiling. She began kissing him again, caressing his neck and his impressive arms. Then when she pulled away, she turned serious, and looked as if she actually had something important to say. “You know what?" she wrapped her arms around his neck and pushed herself closer to a more comfortable position, and looked down at him forehead to forehead again.  
  
“What?" He thought she was going to do the ‘I-gotta-go-home’ act on him again.  
  
“We should get you one of those cute little nurses outfits. You know the ones you see on the models?" She began kissing him again, trying hard to fight back a smile.  
  
He spoke when she pulled away. “You know I was gonna let you get away with the first comment, but that’s it. You asked for it. And don’t say I didn’t warn you." And with that he lifted her up, and placed her right upon him, very close; their chests pressed together, and began kissing her, roughly.  
  
When they stopped, she chuckled slightly. “I’m not scared Spike, you can’t hurt me. You’ve still got your chip, and basically you fight like a girl."  
  
He laughed but it was clear that he was pissed about what she had just said. “Chip stopped working a long time ago luv. Plus, you’re not so tough yourself right now, so I don’t think it’s a good idea to piss me off even further."  
  
“Bet I’m stronger than you right now. I could take you any day. Just bring it on."  
  
“Oh really? How ‘bout right now then?"  
  
She didn’t answer instead she kissed him briefly then, got up and threw the blanket to the side and prepared to fight.  
  
He sat shocked in the chair, he had meant it as a sexy joke, but she had obviously taken him up on it. “C’mon luv, you don’t wanna do this, look at the state of your shoulder, and you’ll catch your death of cold. I mean look at you; you can barely stand up straight, let alone fight me. Not to mention you’re half naked."  
  
“Since when did you get off telling me what not to do? Come on, I bet within the first, oh what shall we say the first five minutes you’ll be on the floor begging for me to stop?"  
  
He laughed at the comment and stood to protest. “No luv, I think you’ll be begging ME to stop! And what you betting, fight’s no fun without a little bet."  
  
“Well if I win…" She stopped to think of a suitable forfeit for him.  
  
“If I win you have to stay for the rest of the night, but if you win you get to go."  
  
“That’s not fair, the night’s jus begun, I’d have to stay here for like HOURS! Besides, you don’t get any forfeit. If I win you have to do anything I say for the rest of the week."  
  
“It’s Tuesday, that’s five days! But you can make it whatever you want it to be, ‘cause you’re not gonna win."  
  
“You wish, you’ll be so knackered you wont be able to walk for two days straight." And she began to close in on him.  
  
“No luv, that’ll be you." And with that he went for her legs knocking her backwards. She fell hard, but rolled over as he delivered a punch to the floor. As he went done she flung her leg up and brought it down on his lower back, where the teeth had punctured him, and he wailed in agony.  
  
When he came up to stand she throttled him with her uninjured arm and rammed him against the crypt wall. He just laughed. “You know luv, I see you’re not giving it you’re all. I mean I don’t see this arm giving any. "And he dug his thumb into her injured shoulder, until she had to let go to escape the pain.  
  
When she let go, he fell down from where she had held him, and then he lifted her up by her shoulders and took her over to where the opening to the lower level was. He dropped her down on the floor, and throttled her, leaning over the opening.  
  
She clung onto his arm; which held her alone, to stop her from falling back into the water. He lowered her as far as she would bend. “Um, pretty impressive luv."  
  
She brought a leg up to meet his face; which didn’t make him let go. Instead he took to straddling her to pin her down more. “Do you think this counts as me winning?"  
  
“Do you hear me begging?" And she struggled again. Her stomach muscles were fully stretched which made her look very sexy in the eyes of Spike. She wasn’t able to move her legs, partly because he was on them, and because she didn’t want to fall in the freezing cold water. Spike was the only thing holding her up.  
  
“We can arrange that, besides I have all the time in the world to hold you here."  
  
“Well I’m not gonna beg for you Spike."  
  
“Why not? It’ll be fun."  
  
“There’s no way you’re gonna make me beg."  
  
“Maybe, but there’s no harm in trying, is there?" And he adjusted himself so that he was lying on her now, and he put his arm under her back to keep her up, so they were extremely close. “Um…now how can we make you beg?"  
  
She just looked up at him with a ‘so-not-impressed’ face, but it was just for show, she knew Spike could see right through her.  
  
“I could just let you go. Like this." And he removed his arm from under her. Her eyes widened as she fell back a bit, but she grabbed hold of his neck and wrapped her arms around him tightly to stop her from falling in. “Am I getting any closer? I know you are all of a sudden." And he looked at the space that was non-existent between them.  
  
She too looked at the way they were positioned but she didn’t dare let go. He still refused to hold her, he just leaned himself on his arms at either side of the opening. “No where near. But you are starting to act more like the Spike I knew. Which by the way is a good thing." She gripped him tighter and leaned up to kiss him; which he replied to. However, he got so carried away that he took his hands away to wrap them around her, and then they found themselves kissing under water.  
  
She shrieked as they went down, and she quickly swam to the top, to climb up the ladders, he followed after her. She ran up them quickly to try and escape before he could get there, but he grabbed her ankles and pulled her down. “And just where do you think you’re going miss Summers?"  
  
“I really need to go…before anything happens. Can we finish this another time?"  
  
He pulled her back into his arms by pulling on her arm to spin her into him. “Something has already happened."  
  
“Well, yeah I guess it has, but I should go before anything else happens.“ And she went up the ladders again, and he followed her up.  
  
She reached for her leather jacket she had removed when she first came in, and slipped it on with some pain from her shoulder, and she began to leave the crypt. He on the other hand had already got to her and spun her round to face him.  
  
“Why do you fight it Buffy? You know I would never hurt you again. I’m different now." His voice turned quiet now. “Plus, I don’t think there’s anything worse that I could do to hurt you anyway."  
  
“I know Spike. I know, somewhere in me I know. But I have to think with my head here. And I thinks it’s best if I leave for now." She stood looking at him; waiting for him to let go of her arms.  
  
“Stay, please. I need you."  
  
“No Spike, you don’t need me. You managed fine in Africa without me. You confuse need with want, but they’re two different things."  
  
“That was then, and yes I want you but right now I feel like I need you. Just for a while, what harms it gonna do? We both feel the same, it’s just you run from it. You should try not running sometime."  
  
She shook her head and resumed to look at the floor. “I can’t, it never works like that for me."  
  
“Okay." He let go of her and left her free to leave. “Another time maybe."  
  
She stood there for a while. “Goodbye Spike. And thanks for saving my but down there."  
  
He smiled, welcoming her, and had one last look at her for the night. She turned in front of him and looked at the door, she looked at it for a while, finding it hard to leave. She crumpled her forehead in thought then took a step forward.  
  
His face turned serious, as he knew she had made her decision. Then without warning she spun on her heel quickly and pounced on him, kissing him lustfully. He had not expected that reaction, but he certainly wasn’t about to complain.  
  
She wrapped her arms around his neck, and did the same with her legs around his waist. He walked backwards because of the force she had jumped him with, and stopped when he was shoved against the wall. He enjoyed where he was at the moment, but wasn’t entirely satisfied, so he grabbed her and spun round so she was against the wall. He pressed himself against her hard, feeling her hips close to his.  
  
She couldn’t get enough of him, and she roamed her hands over his body, feeling his muscles. But, she too was not satisfied with the way it was, and began to rise his t-shirt up and over his head. She laughed as she felt his cool skin under her hands. She dropped the shirt to the floor and began to kiss his neck and chest. He groaned with it feeling so good, and whispered her name.  
  
Then, he gently rubbed her neck, and ran his hands down her arms, taking the leather jacket with them to reveal her soft skin. It was as if they had never been here before. They wanted each other so much, and needed to feel each other. She dug her finger, nails into his back slightly, and pulled him closer – if that was possible!  
  
Where she had kissed him she had left slightly red marks where she had gotten carried away and bitten him a little. She looked at the marks and laughed. Then she arched her back in to him, loving her skin on his, and pushed herself off the wall causing them to fall to the floor. She landed above him and they both paused. He looked at her wild eyes, he loved that about her – she was full of surprises.  
  
“Guess you’re staying then." He laughed. She just smiled and began kissing him again.  
  
  
  
When she woke up she noticed that she had left the TV on all night. She must have fallen asleep waiting for Buffy to come home. That’s weird, she thought, if she came back she would have woken her up. She must have been out all night. Then she heard a knock at the door. She still had her usual clothes on so she didn’t hesitate to answer it.  
  
“Oh, hey Brian. If you’re looking for Buffy, she’s not back yet."  
  
“That’s okay, I can wait, and do you mind if I come in?" And he gestured to walk in.  
  
“Yeah, sure, can I get you anything? Tea or coffee, or breakfast?"  
  
“Uh, no thanks I already ate, I stopped by in the café this morning. But by all means help yourself."  
  
“Okay. You can wait in the lounge." And he did so as she popped into the kitchen to get some breakfast.  
  
“Did she say when she’d be back?" He shouted through to her.  
  
She came through with some toast and began eating. “Uh…she uh…just popped out to the Post Office to send a very important letter. I’m sure she’ll be back soon." She tried to look as if she hadn’t just lied through her teeth, but she didn’t think he noticed.  
  
“Cool. I can’t wait to see her. I’ve got something quite important to ask her actually. I just couldn’t wait till later."  
  
“Oh, really? What is it you’re gonna ask her?"  
  
“Well, the Bronze is holding a special dance, it’s for couples only, and they don’t let you in if you’re on your own. And I thought that she’d maybe like to go with me. Do you think she’ll say yes?"  
  
Dawn didn’t have the heart to tell him that she had gone out looking for Spike and hadn’t returned all night. “Aw that’s so sweet Brian, I’m sure she’ll say yes. She really likes you, you know."  
  
“I hope so." He rubbed his hands together in hope that she would say yes. Then the door opened and she appeared from behind it. Her eyes widened when she saw who was sitting in the lounge with Dawn.  
  
“Hey." She looked at the state she was in; her jacket was zipped down quite far and her bra was showing. She had torn leather trousers, and her face was a little bruised, but Brian was more concerned about her shoulder and why it was bandaged up.  
  
“Wow, what happened to you? Does that always happen when you go to the Post Office?"  
  
She nervously zipped her jacket up more then acted cool as she got that Dawn had covered for her. “Uh, no I fell down the stairs last night and cut my pants on a broken plant pot which was at the bottom. And I had to bandage my shoulder up. And I thought seeing as though no on will be out at this time in the morning, no one would see my pants, but here you are."  
  
“Yeah, sorry it’s so early, but I had something important to ask you."  
  
“Uh, can you hold that thought for a moment while I change. Come on, you cane tell me upstairs." She looked at Dawn, and mouthed ‘thank you’ to her then went upstairs, followed by Brian.  
  
He sat on her bed as she came through wearing suitable clothes. “There, I don’t look so dog now."  
  
“Oh, no you didn’t look dog before. But do you always walk around with your bra on show?"  
  
“As I said, it was early, I didn’t expect anyone to see me. So what was it you wanted to ask me?" Trying to change the subject.  
  
“Oh yeah. Well I was wondering if you wanted to join me to the couples dance at the Bronze tomorrow night? I-I know that we’re not actually a couple, but I think if we were we would make a good one. So what do you say?"  
  
“I’m flattered that you asked me, and I know that we’re not dating, we’re just seeing each other. But I don’t see why not. It could be fun." She put on a happy face, but he was no wiser to see that she really meant no. She couldn’t stop thinking about Spike.   
  
I should just forget it, she thought, it’s not like were dating, it was only a moment they both got carried away in. And it probably wont happen again.  
  
“Great. I’ll pick you up at seven. Is that okay?"  
  
“Seven’s great. See you then." And she sat there while he leaned over to kiss her on the cheek, and then went out.  
  
She watched him go, and then saw Dawn creep round to come into the doorway. “Oooh, he really likes you. Do you like him back, because of you don’t then he’s so mine."  
  
“He’s too old for you Dawn. And I’m not sure if I would date him, he’s a bit of a sissy for me. But that’s why I’m going to the dance; to try and get to know him better."  
  
“Whatever." And she turned to leave when she turned round to ask her another question. “By the way, why were you out so late last night. Did you find Spike?"  
  
“Yeah, I found him, and another me. Turns out some evil bitch demon thought she could mess with me and mine."  
  
“But you handed her, her ass I bet."  
  
“Yeah. There was some major ass handling." She thought about her and Spike together that night, and then realised what she had said, but dawn hadn’t known what she was implying.  
  
“He still loves you. I can tell."  
  
“Who Brian?"  
  
“No, Spike."  
  
“Dawn, don’t be stupid, he’s just a boy with an obsession."  
  
“Well, I think he does. And I also think that you don’ think that about him. I mean when you’re around each other, there’s this vibe around you, like there’s no one else around but you two. But I guess that’s just my opinion right. I mean what could a sixteen year old know about love?"  
  
Buffy didn’t speak, she just looked at Dawn leave, and then she went to the bathroom to sort her shoulder out. She took the bandage off and looked at it in the mirror. She had never realised how bad it was. She left the bandage off, and let some air get to it. She prayed that it didn’t look that bad for the dance tomorrow.  
  
  
  
It had been dark for a few hours now and she hadn’t seen any vamp activity yet. Maybe they had seen her coming or had gone elsewhere. She decided to go see Spike, ask him what was going on tonight.  
  
When she got there he was sat watching TV. “Hey."  
  
He stood to greet her, and switched the television off. “Buffy. Hi."  
  
“Just thought I’d stop by before I have to go get back I was kinda hoping that I’d get a bit of vamp action tonight, but it’s a no go."  
  
“Well I think you’ve come to the right place if you’re looking for vamp action luv." He smirked at her.  
  
She blushed a bit and looked away. “Relax luv, it’s you’re call, I’m not asking for anything remember."  
  
“Right. Uh, how’s below?" She cringed when she realised what she had just said. “I mean the crypt. Is it still full of water?" And she walked over to have a look. He came up behind her to look down with her.  
  
“Yep, I’m thinking of asking Willow to do something, I reckon she’d sort it."  
  
She felt the closeness of them and came round to look at him. He hadn’t picked up any vibes; he seemed to be so natural around her, like he was happy however she was.  
  
“Probably. She always knows what to do."  
  
“So, how are you?" He asked, not hesitating to care.  
  
“Good, I’m good. Great in fact, you?"  
  
He looked around at his crypt. “I’m okay. I’m coping fine in here; it’s better than before. I’m better."  
  
She nodded her head as if she was glad for him.   
  
“The nights get pretty lonely sometimes, but nothing a little drink can’t solve, right?"  
  
“Good." She said it coldly. He was a bit shocked at how she had replied. “That’s how it’s supposed to be."  
  
“Yeah, I guess it is, I mean what would the world be like if I had a little fun once in a while?" He held a sarcastic tone.  
  
“The other night Spike, it wasn’t right. And I just came to let you know that it wont be happening again."  
  
“You’re call. I just pick up the phone remember."  
  
“I don’t want you to think that I don’t want you around though, ‘cause I do, just not like before okay?"  
  
“And I don’t want you to think you have to explain yourself to me. It’s not like were a couple or anything."  
  
“Couple…" She thought about that word and thought it rang a bell. “…Right, couples night at the Bronze. I was supposed to be going with Brian. Drat. Do you know the time?"  
  
“Uh, ‘bout eight. And who’s Brian."  
  
“Oh, yeah, he’s just a friend who wants to be more, but I said I’d go with him because I couldn’t say no. He looks so fragile when you turn him down."  
  
“I’m sure he’ll be waiting."  
  
“What makes you so sure?"  
  
“Well, who wouldn’t?"  
  
She gave a smile and gave him a small push to make him smile. But he couldn’t. “Hey, it’s not a date, it’s a friendly gesture."  
  
“Yeah, course. Have fun."  
  
“Thanks, I will do. See you around."  
  
“Around."  
  
  
  
When she got back, Spike was right; he was waiting. “Oh, my god Brian, I’m so sorry, I forgot about the whole thing."  
  
“It’s okay if you don’t wanna go all you have to do is say."  
  
“No, no I’ll go gat changed now wait there." And she ran upstairs to get changed.  
  
When she returned she wore flattering black skirt, which ruffle down one side, and a low back halter-neck, which was black with fine silver swirls all over it. And she wore high strappy sandals, which made her legs look longer.  
  
He stood up to walk to her. “Wow."  
  
“Are you ready to go?"  
  
“Oh yeah." And with that they left and set off to the dance.  
  
They had brief conversations on the way but it was nothing out of the ordinary. She got sick of him flattering her with stupid comments like ‘you look beautiful tonight’ and ‘you look stunning’ could he get any more cliché? But it was all very sweet. When they arrived and headed to the entrance she smelt a strange familiar smell, and stopped for a second to look around. When she did she saw that a fresh cigarette had just been thrown on the ground. But there was no sign of who had thrown it there. She stumped it out with her heel and walked inside.  
  
“Do you want a drink?"  
  
“Yeah, I’ll just have a beer. Thanks."  
  
“Be back in a sec."  
  
“Okay." And she went to sit at a table, where she saw a certain someone sitting.  
  
“Okay what the hell are you doing here?"  
  
“Heard the band was decent. I used to play in a band you know. We rocked back then. We named ourselves ‘Ghost of the Robot’."  
  
“Spike, why did you come, I know you’ve been following us. I can sense when I’m being stalked you know."  
  
“Okay, I was asked to come, and I thought I’d come because I had nothing else to do. And I wasn’t stalking you." And he walked off as he saw Brian returning with drinks. He hadn’t seen Spike, and placed himself in where he had just been sat.  
  
“Here." And he passed the beer over to her.  
  
“Thanks Brian."  
  
She was about to take a sip when she saw who had fetched Spike a drink back - Anya! She couldn’t believe her eyes, and downed the beer in one. Brian was shocked at how she could do that.  
  
  
  
When Brian had to go to the toilet she went over to quiz Spike. She yanked his arm and pulled him under the stairs. “What the hell are you doing with her, are you trying to destroy every chance that her and Xander might get together?"  
  
“You got it all wrong luv."  
  
“Explain what part I don’t get. Because it very much looks like you’re together again."  
  
“We’re not…we were never together before. You know that, it was a mistake. She asked me to come so that she could see if Xander came with anyone, and I thought I’d be able to keep an eye on pretty boy."  
  
“ I don’t need you to keep an eye on me."  
  
“I know, you’re strong, but I just want you to be safe. That’s all I want."  
  
She calmed down and waited until the people and passed them and carried on talking. “I am safe Spike, I’m the slayer, how safe can you get?"  
  
“Being what you are is the most vulnerable position you could be in, everyone wants a piece of you. The only reason that you’ve lived this long is that you’re not facing the darkness alone, and you’re friends can’t let you go. You’re in danger tonight Buffy."  
  
“What a surprise Spike. I don’t care, I can handle it okay, I don’t need you in my face all the time."  
  
“I’m just trying to help Buffy."  
  
“Yeah, well I know what’s going on, so lay off me and let me live."  
  
He was clearly hurt by her suggestion that he doesn’t let her have a life. “If you’re so sure you know what’s going on then who was stalking you before?" And he walked off.  
  
Stood there and thought about how he was always right. And she hated him for it, yet she loved that he was always looking out for her.  
  
When she came back to Brian she looked guilty for abandoning him. “Brian, I’m so sorry but I’m gonna have to go okay. This just isn’t working. “  
  
“It’s Spike isn’t it? He always influences you to do things. Why do you let him push you about?"  
  
“How do you know Spike?" She saw him change from a shy boy to a sniggering jerk. “Aw come on Buffy, I thought you were meant to know theses things, you are the Slayer."  
  
“Who are you?"  
  
“You’re worst enemy." And with that he grabbed her hand and took her upstairs. She followed as he instructed to see where he was taking her, and avoided the crowds if there was gonna be a fight breaking out.  
  
As they went upstairs Spike climbed up onto the stage and took the microphone. He stumbled a bit as he was obviously pissed. He tapped it to make sure it was working. And the band began to play to encourage him. He looked around and realised what he was doing, and lived for the moment. He remembered his old band and started to sing slowly. (The song he sings is taken from James Marsters’ band ‘Ghost of the Robot’ called ‘Goodnight sweet girl’.)  
  
  
  
Are we done for now,  
  
Or is this for good,  
  
Will there be something in time with us,   
  
There should,  
  
Only go for me as you,  
  
There can be no other one,  
  
If I didn’t have faith I would come undone,  
  
So much promise in your eyes,  
  
Seems that I can only see,  
  
It always makes me wonder if you save it all for me,  
  
Maybe you do,  
  
Maybe you don’t,  
  
Maybe you should,  
  
Probably wont,  
  
Cause there will be.  
  
The music turned into rock and as it did Brian threw Buffy to the floor and she rolled in front of a gang of other boys who sniggered at her and closed in on her. She stood up and began to fight them. As she sent a few flying Spike noticed what was going on. But carried on singing not looking at her much.  
  
There will be other guys who will whisper in you’ re ear  
  
Say they’ll take away your sadness and your fear,  
  
They may be kind and true,  
  
They may be good to you,  
  
But they’ll never care for you more than I do,  
  
Are they always there?  
  
There to the air?  
  
I can’t do much but be your one true friend,  
  
She had dusted quite a few now, but Brian and a few others were still attacking her. As the others lunged for her and held her still Brian walked slowly over as cocky as ever. He came right up to her face. He observed her and laughed. He noticed her shoulder was still sore and he pressed it as hard as he could.   
  
She fought back the tears; which threatened to fall for the extreme pain. Spike kept singing, and didn’t look up, as Brian laid into her heavily, punching her as hard as he could in her stomach. Even though Spike wasn’t looking at her he could feel when she took punch and each time she did he sang louder and more angrily.  
  
To the end,  
  
To the end,  
  
I’ve lots to spare with each other to the end of time,   
  
Spike was giving it his all as he sang and felt her pain. She was finding it hard to catch her breath now, and was becoming weak. And Spike still sang. Buffy’s bleeding head dropped forward and gave in as she thought Spike hadn’t noticed them. But she raised it back up as she listened to the words he was singing.  
  
She thought how he said that she didn’t fight the darkness alone and realised that was exactly what she was doing now, fighting alone. Why was he watching, and not helping her? Was he too drunk to recognise her? But he seemed pretty with it to sing clearly. He waited to feel her flip, and when she did she spun backwards knocking them away. And when he felt her relief he smiled and carried on to sing. She stood there weak and watched him finish the song.  
  
Still see the promise in your eyes,  
  
I still wonder if it’s for me,  
  
But I know it’s still there even when you sleep,  
  
So I say goodnight sweet girl.  
  
When he finished he stood there looking up at her as the crowd clapped him, along with the band. She didn’t smile at him; she just stared expressionless at him. He dropped his head, and hopped off the stage.  
  
  
  
When he got outside he lit up a cigarette, and took a deep breath, and began to walk home. Then he heard the quick pace of high-heels. He paused in his steps and spun round to meet her walking straight at him.  
  
She had blood coming from her bust lip and her shoulder had reopened, and a few bruises were on her face. There was nothing for a moment, then he broke the silence.  
  
“I’ll be on my way then. And that was a good fight." She still was expressionless.  
  
Then she showed some feelings, and crumpled her forehead in confusion. “You were right."  
  
He nodded and threw his cigarette away. “Yeah, well what difference does that make?"  
  
“Not much, but I should have listened to you, and I just wanna take back what I said."  
  
“Don’t bother, I told you, you don’t have to explain yourself to me."  
  
“I know, I just want to. ‘Cause I don’t want you to think I meant what I said. I was just annoyed that every time I try to have fun the job gets in the way."  
  
“I know, I’ve noticed." He noticed her skin was shivering, and her wounds were pretty bad. “Here, I’ll walk you home." And he took off his shirt and put it around her shoulders. “It might keep you a bit warmer." And he made a gesture for her to walk with him by putting his arm out.  
  
“Thanks." But as she tried to walk her left leg gave way and she grabbed hold of Spike to steady herself. She laughed, as she didn’t dare let go of him, so she put her arm around his neck, and he put his arm around her waist.  
  
“No problem." And he waited for her to step forward and matched her steps. She let her feet clop on, while she rested her head on his shoulder, and closed her eyes allowing him to guide her.  
  
“Spike?" she mumbled to his shoulder.  
  
“What luv?"  
  
“How did you know it was a good fight if you didn’t watch?"  
  
“Just because I don’t see you pet doesn’t mean I can’t feel you." There was a long silence as they walked on.  
  
“Why didn’t you help?"  
  
“Because you need to hold your own. I only join in if it gets really bad. I almost did tonight." And he smiled at the thought that he would get his ass kicked to save her.  
  
“Spike?"  
  
“Yeah?"  
  
“Thanks for being there, and thanks for the song." And he felt her head lean heavier on his shoulder.  
  
He didn’t answer for a second remembering what he had sang. "You’re welcome." And they continued home.  
  
When they got there they went upstairs and into the bathroom. He sat her on the side of the bath, and went to get a first aid kit and her pyjamas, which were on her bed and came back through.  
  
He helped her over to the sink and she leaned on it and looked in the mirror. She looked such a state. She found it hard to open her right eye, but she managed it slightly. He cleaned the blood away from her face and from her shoulder.  
  
“They look like they’re closing now, should be gone by the morning."  
  
She looked away from the mirror, and looked at him. “Okay." And she bent down to take her shoes off but had to stop for the excruciating pain she felt in her stomach. He noticed her wince and brought her back up.  
  
“You alright?"  
  
She answered him by lifting up her top and showing him all the bruises and fist marks which were on her. He grimaced in pain for her.   
  
“Christ Buffy. You can’t half take it. Come on." And he took off her shoes for her. Then he handed her, her pyjamas.  
  
She took them and walked through to her room, to change into them. Spike stayed in the bathroom, and cleaned the place up, and packed away the first aid kit. Then he joined her in her bedroom. “Will you be okay?"  
  
She sat on her bed, and held her aching head and then nodded. “I should be, if I can just find a way to get to sleep with all these achy bruises over me."  
  
He still stood in the doorway with his arms crossed and looked concerned about her. Then he came to sit next to her and looked at her weary eyes.  
  
“Dawn’s fast asleep in her room. I thought I’d save you the worry of what she’s up to."  
  
She laughed agreeing that she is a hand full. “Thanks." She stopped and looked at the floor, “It’s never gonna stop is it?"  
  
“What? Dawn?"  
  
“No, the evil. It’ll never go away, it’s way bigger than anything we have. We’re just waiting until it decides to finish us off. Aren’t we?"  
  
“Evil’s not that big Buffy, believe me. Some of us fall, and some of us fly. We all know that in the end we’re all gonna die." He took a surprisingly deep breath and turned to face her slightly confused face then let his breath out with a sad chuckle. Then continued. “S’pose the question you gotta ask yourself is are you gonna fall, or are you gonna fly?"  
  
She took in what he had just said and asked, “Why do we do it though? Why do we keep fighting when it’s clear who is stronger?"  
  
“You never know who you are until you find out who you aren’t Buffy. And you definitely aren’t weak Buffy. No one else could go through what you do ever day, not even me."   
  
She looked at him, and saw how serious he was, then leant her head on his shoulder again. He put his arm around her and stroked her hair gently. She then moved to hug his waist, and make herself more comfy.  
  
They stayed like that until he eventually felt her go limp and fall asleep on him. When she did, he laid her down to rest her head on the pillow and recalled the ending of his song in his head.  
  
Still see the promise in your eyes,  
  
I still wonder if it’s for me,  
  
But I know it’s still there even when you sleep,  
  
So I say goodnight sweet girl.  
  
He bent over to kiss her forehead and watched her sleep in peace; he was blessed to be able to watch the Slayer sleep in perfect bliss. No body knew the pain she felt apart from him, yet he would never allow himself to take it all away, because without pain, she would forget her destiny as the Slayer.   
  
Pain is what drives people’s lives, if we feel no pain then we are dead.


End file.
